I believe in being purposeful in the way I live my life. Oh, I don't do it all right. I often know exactly how I should be managing it all. I simply can't (or don't) do it. My mom and I have been talking a lot over the past days about what is best for my gramma. Again we have some ideas how it might all best be done. And again, it just doesn't seem to work out quite so simply. Life often goes that way.
The theory holds with daboyz too. Jay started college last fall and at the end of his freshman year he was offered a wonderful job opportunity. A once in a lifetime shot. The problem is that this opportunity is for a full time job. How do you work full time and go to school full time? You don't. Unless you are one of those superhuman people which this particular gene-pool doesn't seem to produce. How to manage?
Mac started college a few weeks ago and continues to try to know for sure exactly which classes to take and what career to pursue. There's the thing he thinks he wants versus the things that pay more money versus the things that take less time but might not make him happy.
And don't forget about me! I have a job I really enjoy. But shouldn't I get an advanced degree? Shouldn't I pursue something higher up the food chain? Shouldn't I explore other options within my field? Shouldn't I research where the big money is?
As my gramma often says, oy-vey.
Well guess what? It's not that important. Really, it isn't. This leg of the journey is the shortest. The only real tragedy is not staying close to Christ in the process. It is closeness and communion with Jesus that guides the moments of my days and there is where the real living happens. If I don't choose the "right" career path, heaven will still be beautiful. This is what I need to remember.
My mom and I have been trying to spend extra time with my gramma getting her to eat, keeping her oriented and active and trying to figure out what comes next. I want to leap ahead to what will we do if? If she has a debilitating stroke, Alzheimer's...? What will we do? Where will she go? Those questions are answered already in the mind of God. He hasn't yet shown us his plan. I need to be ok with that. It is true that for some people the arrangements of life are made awaiting the time to enact them. For us, this isn't the case and so we live today the best we can.
For my kids, they need to look at today and do the best they can as well. Worry does not flow from the throne room. I notice that in allowing ourselves to just take today and let tomorrow unfold there is peace that comes not from living carefree but from standing on faith.
I do not advocate living irresponsibly. There is much I regret in the way I manage my life. Certainly there are things I now pay a penalty for because of poor planning 20 years ago. But I do not want my own wrestling match with life to become bigger than the faith that holds my destiny. When the way is not clear, this is faith's specialty. Clearly lit paths do not require guides. I walk a path that is somedays bright and easy. On other days, the fog is pea-soup-thick. Faith blows aside the fog a step at a time.
I will not fear the foggy days. I know I am made of mist.
James 4:13-14 Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.