What I Want God To Be

I will tell you this, I think most of human kind is entirely unaware that they are defining God as opposed to the other way around. Is it not God who defines us?
I want God to be my safety net. I do not want to pay my own consequences, that's for sure. Oh, I feel a little better about my mistakes if I pay a tiny price. Kind of like that erases my debt to the universe. But I don't want to pay in any grand way. I accept my too-tight jeans as the comeuppance for my overeating. I do not, however, care to consider the long-term possibility of diabetes, heart disease and early death. God spare me that. And pass the chips and dip.
I want God to be my peace. I want to be able, on my own timetable, to ask for complete emotional relief and receive it. P.S., please make that a gift freely given. In other words, I want PEACE. You know, that passeth all understanding? Oh yeah, that's the stuff. I want supernatural peace please. I do not want to have to do anything or relinquish anything. Just sweep over my spirit and such. In other words, I want God to make me happy all the time. None of this, forgive him and then you'll have peace. Or, do this and then you'll have peace. Or, change that and then you'll have peace. Not for me. Just give me a heapin' helpin' of no strings attached peace. And that means none of this conviction stuff. For goodness sake that is the mother of all peace stealers.
I want God to be my provider. After all, he is Jehovah Jireh, right? Hey, he said it not me. Or David did. Well, somebody said it. I want God to give me what I need. And also the desires of my heart, again; his promise not mine. I want God to give me such a blessing that I can't contain it. So many clothes my closet groans and so much money my purse is too heavy. Well, I'd never say that out loud but it does cross my mind. He's got a cattle on a thousand hills after all and I don't want cattle or hills. I also would like to not have to work any longer. See, that is an ugly trick he sometimes pulls and then he's all, "Oh, I provided by giving you a strong mind and body and a job!" Whatever! If we go down that road, the whole peace thing flies out the window. Think about it, it makes perfect sense.
I want God to be only that which works for my agenda. The question is, does a relationship with this God-In-A-Box remotely achieve a relationship with the real God?
I'll just come right out with it, it does not. This is not a relationship with God. It is a man-centered theology. "God, here's your honey-do. Now do it. And leave me alone."
Rather than ask how to define God, let me be brave and humble enough to let God define me. Unlock me.
How terrifying. How glorious.