For several days I would come home and talk to the Mr. about what might happen and what it might mean to me. As with most things in life, any positive outcomes would come with their own cost. He listened to me talking and trying to figure out what I hoped for. The silliness of it is that these decisions were coming from way above my insignificant station so I didn't even have much information to base my conversations on, more speculation than fact. Finally when it seemed that the dust had settled and I could see what was going on clearly, I figured out the answer.
Stop making this so complicated. That was the answer.
When things are beyond our control, when no one is asking our opinion or counting our votes; that means something. It means mind your own business. It means that you just have to know what you are supposed to be doing and leave the other stuff to the people God chose to deal with it.
When I finally got that message, I stopped fretting over what was going to happen and just focused on my own little corner of the world. And I found out there are lots of challenging and interesting things I can be working on when I stop trying to manage other peoples' corners. I spend a good portion of time getting frustrated over the effects someone else's decisions will have on me. It was nice to relinquish control over the stuff I hadn't had any control over in the first place. The cool thing is, if it's messed up; it ain't my fault! If the decision is wrong, it wasn't mine.
I got a whole lot accomplished and discovered some exciting things I want to do when I stopped trying to figure out answers to questions that weren't mine.
So that was my lesson for last week. Yeah, there are 100 decisions to make but only a few of them are mine. Stop showboating. Stop making myself the center of the universe. Stop being such a freaking narcissist and just settle in and take care of my corner.
There is something called locus of control. When we try to stretch that out beyond what God intends for us to control we start getting frustrated. We start feeling like he isn't hearing us or helping us. That's when it's time to reign it in. Make our world smaller. Make really good choices over a few really important things. Do an awesome small job instead of a sloppy huge one. Sure, fewer people will notice that small success but the truth of it is, the hunger for big success usually comes from the hunger for attention. The attention of men. It can't be God's attention we're looking for because he knows it all, great and small. He isn't impressed with the size of the accomplishment, he's pleased with the measure of obedience.
So I gave up and returned to my own little nursing unit and got to work. I stopped trying to figure out how to fix 100 things and gave myself a few small goals. When those are done, I'll move on. No one will ever notice most of the things I'm working on. Except God. He'll notice.
And he'll take care of me when other people make their decisions too.
It's being smaller and quieter in my own little corner.
But what a peaceful and joyful little corner it is.
Matthew 254:21 His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'