I accidentally volunteered to do something nice at work. Then when I realized I could've done less, I was disappointed that I had gone the extra mile. How do you like that?
We work every third weekend rotations. My partner, Carol, worked two weeks ago and last weekend it was the third partner's weekend. Only he, Ron, had to have surgery unexpectedly and couldn't work. So I piped up in our meeting and said I'd cover the house last weekend. What I was thinking was that Carol had worked the weekend prior so it was obviously my turn. Then I glanced at the schedule a few days later and saw that I am on this weekend. So I worked one; off one; on last week and on this week. I should have only volunteered to cover one of the days last weekend. That would have been fair, like splitting the difference. But no. I shot off my mouth automatically and took on more than I had to.
If that wasn't stupid enough, we had to do some training with the nurses this past week. Three classes a day for two days. 7:30 a.m., 2:30 p.m., 3:30 p.m. And guess which idiot again raised her hand?
Let's review, work one weekend, off one, on two and working 12 hours each Wednesday and Thursday. Cue the violins.
Why do I do things like that? It certainly isn't from some hidden well-spring of generosity. I seem to just pony up and then realize afterward I am doing more than I have to. My boss has even talked to me about it and the Medical Director put me on a one month "no volunteering" grounding. My boss has asked me very nicely why it is I think I do this to myself. Why do I think I have to do it all? Well, first off, I don't think I do it all. I think we all work hard and I won't do less than my share.
My theory is that I have this automatic reflex that comes not from the me who watches weekends disappear with a whiny butt pout but the me that has put on Christ. I often want some kind burning bush to show me exactly why my actions were right. I'd really enjoy some extra giant blessing as a result of working extra hard. You know, in some cosmic justice I happen to not be at work the day it all goes haywire because I am finally getting a day off. Then I'd see, "Hey! That's why God had me working two weekends, so I wouldn't be there when the sewers backed up!"
But no. I don't seem to get two stone tablets rolling down a mountain with my instructions for life. I just say, "Sure, no problem" and wonder what just happened later.
I think that this might be faith in the grown-up world. Just acting on instinct without the need for immediate gratification. An opportunity to be a good servant minus the kindergartner's, "Why???" Why? Because a servant is what I am. Maybe I am learning to be a doer of the word? To do so without forethought...that is Christ in me.
Small grace: No power outage.
Cheryl, 60,000 homes without power this morning after overnight storms. We are thankful!