The Life Of A Hamster

One of my favorite lines in one of my favorite movies, O’ Brother Where Art Thou? ; goes like this...”That don’t make no sense.”
Some days it seems like that will be my epitaph. I long for the days of not knowing any better. At least then I had an excuse, flimsy though it was. But to know what I should do and then to do otherwise at this point just don’t make no sense.
I eat more than I should, eat the things I shouldn’t; and then can’t zip my jeans.
I don’t do the housework and then every morning I’m overwhelmed that there’s more to do.
I don’t run the errands and then I’m cranky because everything is behind schedule.
I don’t save money and I’m panicked at the latest round of bills I can’t pay.
The list could go on for days.
Regret is like a stone in my gut sometimes. I can pardon myself mistakes made from ignorance but it’s the intentional actions (or lack thereof) leading to my circumstances that weight me down with shame and self-loathing.
Of course, the way we learn lessons is usually to keep falling into the same hole until we decide to walk around it. So I keep being given opportunities to manage life a little better. I’m a very slow learner apparently.
Just this morning I folded my scrubs and threw them in the laundry basket. Hey, says inner voice, hey; you need to iron those right now. You’re off today. You sure won’t feel like doing them before or after work. You need those scrubs ironed and ready for work. You’ll be glad you did. Hey. Hey! Where are you going?
I sat down with a jello topped with cool whip to consider the wisdom of scrub ironing. Five minutes wasted.
What’s the mystery? What’s the big decision? Iron the scrubs for crying out loud! It ain’t rocket surgery.
So I plugged in the iron. It’s warming up right now. I’ll iron the scrubs. One mini-lesson point for Sara.
Of course, I’m wearing overalls because my waistline is not jeans friendly. I have no groceries. My bedroom is beyond frat house messy.
But I’m gonna iron those scrubs. Really I am. Just one more cup of coffee. Honestly. Anyway, who’s it gonna hurt if I iron them tomorrow?
You’d think I’d be skinny from all this hamster wheel running I do.
Here lies Sara. She never did make no sense.

Romans 7:15
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.