Still In First Grade

Sometimes I feel like after being a Christian for 34 years (or 130 years as my life groupies insist); I’m still in spiritual first grade.
They have been short-staffed at work all summer so everyone has been pitching in to pick up shifts. When I got my new position, my schedule changed. I used to work every other weekend and have days off mid-week. Now I work Monday through Friday, which I am so thankful for.
Well, they needed nurses to work on a Saturday. I don’t really want to work on weekends if I don’t have to, obviously. But I felt a certain responsibility to help out. And I’ll be honest, it was over-time plus extra for something called “bonus”; so I wasn’t exactly a martyr in the whole thing. I signed up for Saturday and offered to work Sunday until 10:30 so I could make it to church.
Friday afternoon my boss came onto the unit and said that through some error, they had staffed one too many nurses on Saturday. Would I take off Saturday and work Sunday? No, church is my priority. I won’t miss church.
I told her she could just remove me from Saturday’s schedule though. Then she has this great idea. There are two psychiatric units in our hospital. She’ll leave all the nurses on the schedule in case there is a call-off on either unit. Then on Saturday morning, staffing will call if they don’t need me.
In other words, plan to work, get up and get ready for work, then we’ll call at the last minute if we don’t want you.
I had a little bit of a hard time with this new plan. Because it felt like no plan. Am I working or not? Do I want to work or not? I had gotten my brain wrapped around the idea of that extra money. Then again, my whole family is off Saturday and there is no shortage of household management things to get done. I couldn’t even decide which I really wanted to happen!
This is all kind of like how I can tend to argue with myself about life in general. The only good answer is to do right and then let God settle it all out. Like the Saturday schedule, lots of things are neither good nor bad. The question is one of surrender more than decision.
God, you work it out. I’ll do whatever I need to do.
So Saturday morning I got up at 5:00 a.m., showered and was about to blow dry my hair when the phone rang.
“Hi Sara. This is staffing. We don’t need you to work today.”
So I didn’t sleep in, but I did get my day off.
I won’t make the extra $$$; but I assume I won’t miss it because God made the decision.
No right choice. No wrong choice. No Sara agenda.
Just God, working out my days.
First grade Christianity.

Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.