Thursday, November 09, 2006

Overwhelmed


Do you ever feel overwhelmed?
Well, I do.
At work the other day, I was overwhelmed. I looked at the clock and I looked at the tasks that were accumulating in front of me and there was no way I was going to get it all done. Overwhelmed. There is a nurse who used to work with us who was overwhelmed from the moment she stepped off the elevator in the morning and she was famous for these words, “I’m going to scream and run out of the building.”
That was what I wanted to do. Scream and run out of the building. Or run screaming out of the building, or any variation thereof. I couldn’t wait to get out of there and at the same time I felt that I should stay and tie up the endless loose ends. There’s no screaming and running in nursing.
Last week I had an episode of overwhelmed at home. It was a laundry overwhelming.
The Mr. has an evil plot to do certain things wrong every time so I won’t ask him to do said task again. Laundry is one of those tasks.
I will admit that I have a certain manner in which I would like to run this house which I do believe is to the best advantages of its inhabitants. One of those is that when the week starts on Monday, I think all the necessary elements of a successful week should be in place. Groceries, housework, laundry, etc.
So the Mr. is doing laundry. Here is how the Mr. does laundry. Pick up a handful of miscellaneous items, cram it into the washing machine, dump in detergent, start machine. Is the machine already on hot, small load setting? So be it. Has the Mr. picked up jeans, socks, delicates and my brand new blouse in one scoop? So be it. In they go.
When load is complete, within three to four days the Mr. will reapproach and cram the items into the dryer. Often on high heat. Fabric softener sheet optional (the eighth deadly sin if one lives in furnace static cling Michigan). Clean out the lint screen? What lint screen?
Load finishes, dryer buzzes and in three to four days the Mr. again approaches, or not. Usually whoever is unfortunate enough to attempt to do more laundry is stuck with whatever that person finds in the dryer. That unfortunate person was me. Crammed into the dryer I found a slightly damp three loads in one wrinkled mess. Including my now shrunk beyond belief wadded up brand new blouse, having had only one wearing before its assault at the hands of my husband.
And this, my friends, was overwhelming. Ok, it may seem very petty to you and maybe you never become overwhelmed with relatively minor issues. But I do. I am the camel whose back has been broken by the proverbial straw. I react like a lunatic to every so many offenses; and this was it.
I showed the Mr. the results of his handiwork and included a reminder that he’s forty one years old, been married twenty years and hearing the instructions for laundering without destructive side effects for many moons. I held up my ruined blouse and threw it into the garbage with a flourish. I explained the problem and how it should’ve been handled and then reminded him that this was not late-breaking information. I told him that I suspect this is a passive aggressive attempt to avoid being asked to do laundry.
“All right. Maybe you should do it yourself then. If I’m going to do it; I’m going to do it my way. Sorry about your blouse. Go buy a new one.”
And then the snakes flew out of my hair and my head spun around backwards and the earth stood still.
And I was overwhelmed.
Yes, I yelled and yes I was angry and yes I stomped upstairs, pulled out a book and didn’t come back down to the living room for the rest of the evening. And yes I gave him the cold shoulder the next morning.
Correct response? No. But I was overwhelmed and somewhere in it all, I just boiled over.
In the midst of it all though; I came up with a solution that I am quite pleased with. You’ll think me a terrible wife and mother but honestly, I don’t care. I don’t want to be laundry overwhelmed again.
I informed the men that live here with me that I no longer do their laundry. And they are not to do my laundry (like there’s a big possibility of them doing my laundry behind my back).
So for the last week I’ve done my little loads of laundry here and there. Scrubs laundered, line dried and pressed. Delicates delicately cleaned and put away. Sweaters smelling Bounce fresh and static free.
And on Saturday, no Mt. Vesuvius of laundry to tackle.
Meanwhile, last night the Mr. announces that he has no clean underwear. Mac asks when I’m doing laundry and Jay states he’s just wearing his stuff dirty.
There was a time that this would’ve overwhelmed me all over again and after more screaming and snake hair I’d have stomped to the basement and done their laundry.
Not so today.
I refuse to carry that burden, it ain’t mine.
The Mr. shared the heart-breaking story of not having clean underwear in the Ford Motor Company’s men’s locker room.
Sad, says I. Do your laundry.
Sometimes we can’t get out from under the stuff that overwhelms us. That’s the stuff that God will get us through despite ourselves. Like days at work when it’s just piling up faster than we can do the job. Like children who are sick and we can’t fix it. Like bills that are bigger than paychecks and elderly parents who need more than we can give and spouses who don’t love us the way we need to be loved.
Then there’s the stuff that we pile on ourselves and it’s our fault we don’t step back and get out from under it.
Like laundry someone else can do. Like toxic relationships that need to end. Like bad habits we won’t break and apologies we owe and grace we won’t ask for.
When you figure out which category the stuff in question falls into, you feel a lot better.
What’s overwhelming you?

Psalm 55:5
Fear and trembling have beset me; horror has overwhelmed me.

13 comments:

Margie said...

I'm overwhelmed by the stupid fact that I never feel like I fit in!

Pat said...

Not having enough time or energy after work to care for my home properly overwhelmed me and laundry was an issue, I've decided it's less stressful to do it myself. I'm on to his trick of doing it wrong so you won't ask me again, but it's still easier to do it myself.
Cleaning up the kitchen after dinner was also an issue. I even grumbled about how the dishwasher was loaded...now I don't care, as along as the dishes are clean and put away, it's all good. Most battles are control issues ~ and there are some I just won't be trapped into trying to control...they waste precious moments of life. I can eat off of clean plates that in my opinion were loaded wrong, but I can't wear clothes that have been shrunk, faded and ruined.

Pat said...

Me again! Sometimes trying to write a new post is also overwhelming....so I don't!

MSU gal said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
MSU gal said...

everything...lately.

Anonymous said...

i get overwhelmed when i have to make a decision of any kind (ie handsoap) i'm very hamlet that way.

my mom has taped to the washer and dryer a list of certain items of her clothing that my dad is never to attempt to launder.

KayMac said...

I am so excited by your post! I always felt a definate fondness for you and today I found out why. WE ARE RELATED!! (And then the snakes flew out of my hair and my head spun around backwards and the earth stood still.)

Jada's Gigi said...

Great post! its funny but often if we just stop and address the situation everything is fine but more often than not we just get overwhlemed and freak out...so much easier that figuring a way out like delegating..:)
I think I get overwhelmed by nothingness...I have led a super buys hectic life for a very long time and now when I have timeon my hands...which is fairly often (just not in the last 2 weeks) I feel overwhelmed..like I can't think or focus..I'm afraid I'm one of those people who needs deadlines and demands on me to be happy....

Deb said...

This is a great post. I'm thinking that I need to allow this to happen more often: "...And then the snakes flew out of my hair and my head spun around backwards and the earth stood still..."
Kudos to you for having the guts to announce that you're no longer going to be responsible for the anyone else's laundry!!

...now I gotta go put a load of my husband's shirts in the dryer so they'll be dry before I have to leave for my meeting tonight...so that I can get them fluffed, folded and 'pressed' into a stack before they wrinkle! (Please refer to my previous post on ironing!)

Margie said...

I agree about not doing all the laundry. I also don't believe in paying for chores. Do I make all the mess? Nope! So why should I have to either clean it all or pay the person who made the mess to clean it up!

Live, Love, Laugh said...

i loved the way you wrote this post, I have to admit I laughed a few times.

What overwhelms me is when I am telling the boys something and they ignore me. At least answer me or acknowledge me.

I hope I don't ignore the Lord when He speaks to me!!!!

Mrs. Mac said...

New nick-name for you is "snake-hair" lady :) My washer has a "brain" that has "feelings" ...i.e. only two buttons to push ...color of load and start ... everything else is internally processed which equals a "Washer For Dummies" ... Currently, I'm a bit overwhelmed in selecting light fixtures for my new home ... silly ... but it needs to get done by Monday ... so my head is swimming with thoughts of pendants, chandeliers, recessed lights, coach lights, puck lights .. you name it. Trivial stuff to sweat about with all the mess in the world, but it made me toss and turn and want to get up at 3 AM for a cup of coffee. Putting our home up for sale last April was a MAJOR stress with the extra work keeping it spotless ... more stress than having my husband away most of the time. We have a wedding in four weeks and as the mother of the bride I'm actually very relaxed :) God wants us to bring Him the "small stuff" that stresses us ... even dirty laundry!

Mrs. Mac said...

Oops ... almost forgot: The stress of having my 16 year old daughter getting her drivers license today (pulling out my hair ... going bald)!