I was. I tend to lean that way on a good day anyway.
Lots on my mind. Lots out of my control but that doesn't make me wrestle with those things any less fervently.
I was sad today driving home. I was crying. Rhonda Hart died. For those of you out of state, Rhonda was the female half of our local Christian radio station's morning show. I loved Rhonda. She was imperfect and silly and so in love with Jesus you just wanted to hear her talk about him. She had been involved with the radio industry in the Detroit area for along time only recently coming to Christian radio. She had been involved in the rock industry and gotten into a life that nearly destroyed her before finding Christ.
Oh, how she loved Jesus. Not in that practiced smooth manner of the well-churched. No, she had a raspy voice that I kind of assumed was from years of partying and smoking. She didn't always know the scripture she was trying to reference. She didn't know the Christian cliche's. She was a toddler in Jesus, running full on, if sometimes clumsily, to spread her joy in her savior.
She spoke at our church once, sharing the story of her past life and abortion for the first time publicly.
This morning a Christian guy I work with got off the elevator and said she had died in her sleep. She was a few years older than I.
I cried on the way home thinking about this sister. She was one of those people you just know is in heaven, someone who convinces you there is a heaven on those days you wonder.
I was crying for missing this girlfriend of mine I never met face to face. I miss her already. Tomorrow is Worship Wednesday, how can that be without Rhonda?
I pulled in to my driveway with unreasonable grief on my mind and tears running down my cheeks. I put my car in park and sat there a moment when a flash of color caught my eye. In my neighbor's yard is a tree, and in the tree was a bright yellow finch. I did a double-take, I don't recall seeing these sweet little birds anywhere but up north! I looked again...two? Yes, two finches. I rolled down my window and sat perfectly still soaking this miracle in.
Just as I was thinking that I'd give anything for my camera I realized what I was seeing.
There were five bright yellow finches in the tree twenty feet away from me. Leaping from branch to branch. They seemed to be playing. Five beautiful perfect fat yellow finches.
I sat there and cried but no more in utter sadness. I cried for the beauty of those silly birds and the beauty in the utter love of God that this stranger named Rhonda embraced. I'm explaining this really badly.
In a tree full of yellow finches, I was reminded of the truth.
Rhonda will be having the best worship Wednesday ever.
Can't wait to see you my Sister.
One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to
seek him in his temple. (Psalm 27:4)