Tuesday, April 10, 2007

In Search Of...

In addition to going to bed at 9:00 precisely every single night of my life and thereby calibrating my entire cellular infrastructure to shut down at said time, my mother allowed me only one hair style until I turned fourteen.
Straight, long, parted down the middle, no bangs.
In junior high, and I do believe specifically in eighth grade, my mom finally agreed to break with tradition. I was to have the following hair style...
Straight, long, parted down the middle with bangs.
As an added bonus my mother was (erroneously) convinced she was qualified to cut said bangs.
At the same time the Olympics were going on and there was a particular gymnast I believe to have been on the German team. She was roughly my age. She was a manly sort with thick bangs.
Her name was Dagmar Lurch.
To my recollection she did not medal.
I'm sure you've already figured out the point of this story. My mother made me look like Dagmar Lurch.
I've searched the net looking for Dagmar to see what she's up to and if her bangs have grown out yet. They may have, in fact, been a mere extension of her eyebrows.
I cannot find Dagmar causing my mother to accuse me of flights of fancy although she does admit to me exclaiming upon completion of my make-over,
"I look just like Dagmar Lurch!!"
This was not an exclamation of joy.
If anyone out there knows about Dagmar, remembers her, or can confirm her existence; please respond post-haste.
There is a chance I am spelling her name incorrectly. I think Dagmar is right, but consider Lurch, Lerch, Lyeurch, Luurroorch, etc.
I anxiously await your support in this matter.
Go Germany.
Jeremiah 7:29 Cut off your hair and throw it away; take up a lament on the barren heights, for the LORD has rejected and abandoned this generation that is under his wrath.

13 comments:

Jada's Gigi said...

Oh Lord, the things they(our mothers) do to us! you have my deepest sympathies...lol

Tonya said...

Got to love those moms!

Pat said...

Your lucky I didn't cut your hair to look like that monkey your holding!
By the way, at one time I gave in and let you get the hair cut your tiny heart desired...remember that pixie? Your poor grandfather never quite recovered from that one.

Kell said...

Okay, so I googled Dagmar Lerch (Lurch came up with nothing). Google gave me several websites that where all in German. Since I cannot read German I am not sure what they said about her bangs.

P.S. Ted said hi!

Arlene - BY HIS STRIPES!!! said...

Poor baby! You are hilarious! I believe it is the kidz union, they all believe they were abused at some time or another in their lives! Don't get Am started....

Pat said...

Oh, and another thing...your sister was forced to keep to the same bedtime hours that you were, yet at an adult she still manages to stay up past 9:00 most every night...it's the fault of your DNA..not your sainted mother!

Margie said...

Pat, didn't sara get half her DNA from you?

I think Dagmar has something to do with groceries now, but since I can't read German either, I am not sure.

I just can't wait until I get to hear stories of what i did to Phyllis. You know... daboyz have stories of you... :) not that I've heard any, but I am sure they do...

MSU gal said...

You're just lucky Grandma didn't cut your bangs. Yours were straighter than mine! Mine looked like your Grandma was fond of martinis before trimming. Of course we know she wasn't (I'm pretty sure) but you couldn't tell by looking at my bangs. I finally grew them out and have refused to let ANYBODY cut them since!

Amber Land said...

My Mom used to cut my cut my bangs and they looked like they were smililng. They were shorter on the sides and dipped down in the middle.

Margie said...

I also cut my own bangs once... bad...

Mrs. Mac said...

This was nearly as funny as the patient that wrote you a love letter or poetry :) I had home made haircuts too ... even a pixie from dear old mom that started off as a bob ... oh, the horror!

KayMac said...

Oh my gosh, my mom used to bob my hair...I hated it!

Deb said...

This post made me laugh --out loud!