Friday, April 13, 2007

Thigh Master

Well, it's true. It's my birthday month. I'll be forty on the twenty fifth. So although we're several days in, I figure, why not post multiple pictures of me at various stages in my life to up the precious memories quotient? Plus, I'm fresh out of inspiration and feel the need at this time in my life to point out the obvious reasons I'm so screwed up today...just look at me!
I shared the pain of the Day of Dagmar and the ugly truth behind my forays into the world of deep lake snorkeling. As you have surely already surmised, my sisters have never saluted.
Why not travel on through time and truth and admit the thing we all know to be so? My thighs are monstrous.
This is me on the beach of the Atlantic or Pacific Ocean. I honestly don't know which, my guess would be one or the other. It's not the Dead Sea, this I know for sure. The exact locale is not so important as is the tremendous girth of my thighs! Look at 'em! They are, to quote the Song of Solomon, "like Dearborn Hams unto the Sabbath, with golden glaze and beautiful as before the Easter or the Christmas dinner...they do shine and plump under the noon day sun..."
Meanwhile, they are quite nicely tanned.
As I approach forty they are plumper still but no longer do they tan. This could be because they are not allowed out in direct sunlight. I'm afraid, like Ballpark Franks, they will plump even more when exposed to heat.

And the introspection rolls on...

Psalm 148:7 Praise the LORD from the earth, you great sea creatures and all ocean depths...

4 comments:

tina fabulous said...

i think the opposite would happen as you would no longer be your pre-cooked weight.
or something.

ps i've always loved that passage from song o' solomon. tear to the eye.

Mrs. Mac said...

give yourself a little credit ... silly ... everybody's thighs "inflate" twice their size when one squats ;)

Arlene - BY HIS STRIPES!!! said...

You crack me up. You look just great!

Margie said...

i agree with Arlene, you look great. My bible doesn't have that version of the verse. Maybe it's in the Message remix.