I'm all right; don't nobody worry 'bout me.

Good grief.
I've been sick for 2 weeks! But this morning I do believe I have turned a corner; finally. I'm coughing but my throat doesn't hurt. It was so sore I could only tolerate ice cold liquids. My head doesn't hurt. My muscles don't hurt. I slept well, thank you Nyquil.
At midnight last night we had the dreaded phone ringing that makes your heart stop. Although I was so Nyquiled that mine really just sort of sped up for a few beats. Mac, on his way home from work and had a flat. A flat flat destroyed flat. Thank the Lord he was closer to home than work, he works in a rather dangerous area. A flat tire on Southfield in Dearborn is much preferable to on one 8 Mile.
The Mr. went to pick him up because whoever owned the truck before Mac put wheel locks on but failed to mention that or supply the key to them. He couldn't get the tire off to change it. So it sits on the shoulder of Southfield and Warren (we pray it still sits there!) and a tow truck is on the way now to take it to Belle Tire.
I had a doctor's appointment that I had to cancel so Mac can have my truck to go meet the tow truck at his truck to follow it to the tire store. Are you keeping up with this? Riveting, I know.
My appointment was actually my annual gyn check-up which now has been pushed back to June. However, I will go to my family practice doc when Mac gets back since I no longer presume that this creeping crud is truly gone. It's a very sneaky crud it is.
I am not as frustrated as I sound. I well remember the moment in my life when we didn't have tow coverage on our insurance since we couldn't afford any bells and whistles. When the cost of replacing a tire would've sent us over the edge and probably caused a late house payment.
Even my current creeping crud could be worse. A few years ago, as a floor nurse, I would've had to call in because I couldn't do direct patient care. In my position now, I was able to still go and work out of my office. I would've rather been home but still, wasn't forced to take a medical leave.
It probably seems like these Pollyanna posts are pretty common-place but I do try to make a point of acknowledging that God watches over his children. I think the best antidote to melancholy is to look for his hand in the middle of the storm, whether it's a quick downpour or a hurricane.

Update: Mac is home and his truck is safely parked at Belle Tire waiting for a new tire. Remember my mention that he works in an unsafe area? His low tire light came on just as he drove past this intersection at about 11:45 last night...Click here.

Mac says his attitude just changed from "What a rotten night." to "What a good night."

Happy birthday...

to my dad!

Dear Blog Friend,

How many times a week do you log in to Blogger and sit there hoping for something wonderful to pop into your mind and onto the screen? I do that a lot. And I remember back to the time when I posted every single day. Back in the beginning of blogging, shortly after Lewis & Clark discovered whatever it was they discovered, Disney World I believe it was.
I would write and write and write and write so much that I had posts saved just waiting for a moment to share them.
Now? Now I write lots of posts inside my head that I cannot remember when I actually get to a keyboard. Or I start to write them and think "Well, that's a load of bull jive!" Or they seem very important and then the next day when I consider clicking the "post" button I realize they are reruns of previous posts. Perhaps I am not so prolific as I once was?
I think blogging is good for us, it's a journal and a way to reach out beyond our small worlds and find friends beyond the fence lines of our lives. For introverted me, that's a lovely thing. And I also think that I've sort of caught up with myself. All of the profound thoughts (insert hysterical laughter with snorting sound here) I had bouncing around in my fevered mind have found there way to the "page" of my blog.
I've learned a lot about myself and I'll be honest, I've reread some of my posts and learned to like myself a little bit more. Seriously. I've looked at my heart in black and white and realized, I like my heart! Taking the daily stuff like eating too much, bad hair and the like and putting it in the context of my "greater" thoughts has given me a kind of balance I'd not found before.
My blog has also given me a place to vent. Do you use your blog for this? The particularly ugly venting, like fights (not disagreements but fights) with the Mr. that I am furious about and considering ugly ways to teach him a lesson. Those are in my blog. If you're wondering where those juicy posts are, they are saved. Never posted. Usually they are deleted within a day or two, when I go back and realize I no longer feel the need to suffocate him in his sleep and I delete those angry words. Sometimes I leave them there, saved. Why? Because it's my blog and I do.
I think blogging has helped me to grow and to relax. To find friends who think somewhat the way I do. I can go blog hopping to find inspiration, whether it be home decorating or spiritual food. When I share a prayer request, I feel a deep sense of peace that those who visit me here will take my needs to the Lord.
On occasion I will receive a comment from someone I didn't know was out there reading and I am newly inspired and encouraged...it's like having friends I haven't met yet.
I love blogs. Facebook is just a thought in passing and blogs are a visit on the back porch. Twitter? Twitter is just craziness. :)
Pinterest makes my brain hurt. I don't know why I felt the need to share that but when I go on Pinterest I wish I had some kind of electronic Ritalin to upload.
But blogs? Blogs are like old fashioned letters written on pretty stationary. Pictures enclosed. Recipes, heart ache, silly stories, lessons from heaven.
Much of the world of technologyI dislike but I love blogs.
For those of you who visit, I thank you. I've come to realize that I have friends beyond the comment box who are praying with me, laughing with me, living alongside me. I love that.
For those of you who blog as well, I thank you. I love peeking into your life. And being an introvert, I love that I can do that from my own home ;)
Grace,
Sara

My gift

Raise your hand if you're one of those happy homemakers who like to do it up on the holidays? Me too. Although I will admit (please don't tell anyone) that I used a box cake mix for one of my desserts.

Sometimes people will say things that I feel are almost chastising about my excitement with holiday planning and preparing. Christians I mean. They will say "It's about our Lord & Savior! Not about ham & chocolate bunnies!" Yes, I am quite aware.

My goodness, yet another sneer in the direction of homemaking and this from Christians. So let me clarify my behavior.

This is what I do. This is where my joy and serenity are. And guess what? I think God is nice enough to accept the gifts born of our joy as much as those born of our sacrifice. Do I consider my stuffed cabbage and chocolate cream pie a gift to God? Yes, I surely do.

You'll have to take my word for it when I say that all of those details and hours I talk about are not discussed with a spirit of pride. It is with a heart of thankfulness and excitement that I go about my cooking and cleaning. Remember Mary and Martha? Well, Jesus didn't hate Martha. He cautioned her lovingly not to be so distracted by her work that she failed to enjoy his presence. It was a lesson in balance, not one in judgement of homemaking. I am a Martha at heart. Not a Martha who cannot enjoy the Lord, but the Martha who is inspired by making wonderful things for her family. I used to be a Martha who was driven and arrived at the holiday meal exhausted and resentful and waiting for it to be over. No longer. I've added just enough Mary to my Martha.

Now I go about my chores with music in the background and the windows open wide, unrushed and savoring the moments. This is my worship, my gift my expression of love.

Perhaps you went to church this Easter and were blessed by the talent of an amazing singer whose voice seemed to reach Heaven with its beauty. Did you, after church, approach her and tell her that Easter is about the Lord and not about her vocal chords? No, of course not. You sat in the atmosphere of holiness and worshipped.

Unfortunately, I'm not a singer. I'm Martha the Homemaker.

I make dinner, and I make it with the attitude that Jesus is a guest . I give him the best I have to give.

And that, is why I make holiday meals.

Let there be life...

And then God handed us eternity...

Menu Planning

1. Stuffed cabbage
2. Cucumber salad
3. Bean salad
4. Jello mash
5. Ham
6. Broccoli souffle
7. Roasted potatoes
8. Strawberry lemonade cake
9. Individual cherry crisps
10. Ice cream

Good Friday

This morning I thought, "It seems like I should have something inspiring to say on Good Friday." But I didn't, so I didn't.
For the first half of my life, I'd always be off on Good Friday and attend mid day service at our church. Just a short time, an hour perhaps, to contemplate the sacrifice of Jesus. It was somber and quiet. I liked it. The earth always feels a little quiet somehow on Good Friday. Or maybe I just feel a little quiet on Good Friday.
But now, it's off to work for me. And I don't have one of those jobs that gives you a half day. Hospitals just keep going and going and going. So I went to work. It was a busy and productive day. I got everything done on my list, that's quite an accomplishment since between last weekend and some sick days this week I hadn't been to work in five days. I walked into to two out of three units in an uproar by 10:00 a.m.
The sky is falling, the sky is falling.
You know those kind of days, right?
I had to put on my manager hat and do a little bit of reassuring and a little bit of "cowboy up and handle this."
Then there was the kid who was dropping F bombs, kicking walls and threatening everyone. He and I spent some quality time together.
In between were audits, reports, meetings and the like. I have some open positions and my unit is expanding creating yet more positions. I scheduled 12 interviews for Tuesday.
By late afternoon I had spent yet more quality time with my special little guy, had a confusing chat with a young lady on the adult unit which she seemed to enjoy. Assisted with a physical management and injection of an angry young man. Reviewed staffing for tonight and the weekend. Plugged a few holes in this afternoon's staffing.
I send a weekly newsletter to my staff so I finished writing it this afternoon and posted some announcements here and there.
Around 4:00 I texted the Mr. that I was on my way home.
Around 4:45 I realized not only was I not on my way home but I was very hungry. Oh, I forgot to take a lunch. Huh.
My special little guy started hollering again so we had some more quality time.
At 5:00 I went down to the adult units to check in before I left. I ran into my partner, Natosha. She had e mailed at 3:50 that she was headed home. I told her to go home and she told me to go home and we still didn't go home. She went to the lobby to talk to a worried family and I checked in on some staff who had been attacked by a patient.
A little bit after 5:00 we finally found ourselves out the door together.
Driving home I had a thought or two about not having gone to church and working on Good Friday and wasn't it sad that Good Friday wasn't special any more. Not like it used to be.
You know what? I was wrong. I've had dinner and relaxed for a moment and I realize, I was wrong.
Good Friday services in quiet contemplation are lovely and wonderful. More important than Jesus on the cross, is Jesus in the world. Today, Jesus wanted me in the world having quality time with a special little guy and confusing conversations with an interesting young woman and even talking an angry man through being medicated as 5 people held him down.
Today, the Lord's plan was to extend the opportunity to employment to a bunch of people. And to bring wonderful people into positions where they can be there for special boys, interesting women and angry men. It takes a lot of us, 24 hours a day and 7 days a week, to meet those needs. In the halls that I am called to walk, there are no holidays. I was encouraged by the number of "Praise the Lords" and "God bless yous" and "Have a blessed Easters" that I received making those interview phone calls.
Jesus calling his children into the halls I walk.
In our halls, we need Jesus and people who know how to call down heaven.
I don't feel sad that I wasn't in a Good Friday service today. Today, on Good Friday, I was in service to my King.

Yubby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dum

To add a little balance to yesterday's post, "So-whats," I really felt the need to clarify that I do not criticize those with vaulted ceilings!

Satan will turn us against one another and against ourselves continuously. It's of great importance not to become haughty either because we have much or because we look down our noses at those who do. I've heard people whispering to one another that they wouldn't have a larger home if you gave it to them on a silver platter. I've been in the middle of conversations (often women) when the topic was how wasteful or selfish someone was because of the finer things to which they treated themselves.
If this is you, stop it. Stop it right now.

Each of us has a lifelong task of finding God's design for our own lives. Just as I don't want to hear child-rearing advice from a person without kids; other people don't need to hear my two cents about their life style. I know what I'm talking about, we seem to live right in the middle of the road regarding life style.

The people at work sometimes ask Mac about our home. They envision a huge brick home with a long staircase going up, an even longer one coming down and one going no where just for show (all day long I diddy diddy dum!) When he tells them our house is aluminum sided with two bedrooms and one bathroom (if you don't count the toilet in the basement,) they are a little surprised.

You guys should buy a nicer house!

When the Mr. gave me a new engagement ring for our 25th anniversary, a few people informed me that they would never trade in their ring for a larger diamond...the original was just too sentimental.

Only your original ring means anything!

In other words, we are living too high on the hog as well as beneath our means.

So please. Please oh please oh please. Whatever your lifestyle, it's fine. It's God intention for you and so, it is good. But it will lose all of its goodness if you make up your mind that you are better than someone else because you live so humbly.

Does anyone else see the irony in this?

When you hear yourself start to say, "I wouldn't have a huge old house like __________, can you imagine having to clean all those rooms?" Stop it.

Try, "What a beautiful home."

Doesn't that sound nicer? Doesn't the first statement sound a tiny bit like jealousy? Or judgement? Both ugly. I never said live large or live small. I only said be content.

This concludes this station's public service announcement regarding the appropriate number of bathrooms per family.

So-whats

I had my kids at the end of the 1980s. Does anyone remember the term "Big 80s?" Everything was bigger, richer and more luxurious. The Regan era, the Coffee Achievers, Dynasty. I am glad that I came of age during the Big 80s. There was a feeling of presumed success in the air. The clothes were great because dressing up still mattered. Then again, this was also when we started enrolling our children in 6 different sports and activities and dragged them straight from school to the soccer field eating carrot sticks in the car. We went from high expectations and willing to work for it (a good thing) to driven. We were driven to look successful and successful meant prosperous.

It seemed like all of us of the same age who started the race at the same line, separated very quickly into the achievers and the losers. Do you want to guess where the Smiths were in the first lap? Yup, the second category. New construction starting booming in the 1990s and suddenly everyone (or so it seemed) was living under vaulted ceilings and floating their sofas in their great rooms. Floating means your furniture is not pushed flush against the wall. If we had floated our sofa, we would have had to climb over the back of it to sit on it. Our living room was literally the same size as some people's pantries.

Whether by wisdom or dumb luck (definitely by the grace of God), we lacked the ambition to achieve life with a two story entry. We couldn't wrap our brains around daycare and as a bride straight out of high school, I certainly hadn't been trained for a career. I had babies and stayed home with them. A friend of my parents from church told the Mr., "You better watch it or Sara will end up just like Pat. She'll think she should stay home and not get a job and you'll be the one supporting her." Dean thought this a nasty thing to say. I agreed. But it summed up the climate around us. The Big 80s dictated the bigger 90s to our generation. Go, go, go! All things good must be pursued outside of the four walls of your home. Four walls? I think we were the only ones actually with only four walls!

The peers of my little ones had scheduled play dates at Chuck E. Cheese. My little ones climbed in the red wagon my Grampa gave them and I pulled them three blocks to visit my mom and dad.

The peers of my little ones were enrolled in karate, soccer, pee wee this and little league that. My little ones played T-ball for 2 years, enjoyed it and then lost interest. We didn't make them continue.

The peers of my little ones were growing up in their own bedrooms and Disney World during Spring break. My little ones shared a bedroom and half the time, ended up in the same bed. As of this writing, they have not been to Disney World. Their vacations were spent Up North and when my parents sold the camper and bought a cottage; we considered ourselves on the luxury plan!

On and on I could go but you get the idea. Sunday School and Sunday dinner in a restaurant after church were the highlights of our week. I wish I could say I was an empowered mama who made my decisions and honored my convictions but really, I was just going by instinct and often feeling that our lives were slipping quickly from second class to third class.

Today we make a comfortable living between the two of us, daboyz are damenz and we could buy a newer construction house. We could have a two story entry, or any entry at all for that matter. We could float our sofas in the middle of our great room. We could go to Disney! And yet, here we are. Living in a small bungalow and going Up North every summer for vacation. You might say we've not made much progress.

I used to watch HGTV and drool over the houses. I still like to drool over houses. But now, when I see these young couples looking so distraught over their lack of an en suite bathroom, I feel a little sad for them. When they decide not to buy their first home and move our of their apartment because they cannot yet afford everything they want, I'm very sad for them. They want it all and society applauds this. Don't settle! Well guess what? I settled, and not all that graciously at times. I looked at the McMansions, crunched the numbers, had several conversations with Realtors when we could finally afford the good life. For years we did this, always almost embracing what we thought was a dream but never signing the dotted line. I was frustrated.

Sometimes I'm still frustrated. This house has very small closets and only two bedrooms. It's an old house so there's no home office space and today, computers are as much a home appliance as a refrigerator. Sometimes I still dream of a big new house that was built to accommodate 2012. What I am not, is discontented. I'm learning that there are the must-have, the wouldn't-it-be-nices and the so-whats. Lots and lots of things are so-whats and I think of them as wouldn't-it-be-nices. My desk top is in my living room and my dining alcove is small. Wouldn't-it-be-nice to have a home office and a large dining space? Or, are those items actually so-what?

Here's my litmus test, did my family during my childhood have lovely holidays and happy times in houses with the same limitations as my house? We all know the answer to that, we had those things in my house! That makes it hard to convince myself that I need more and bigger to live well. Like the forsythias I wrote about a few weeks ago, it's good to look and admire and enjoy without needing to own. Needing to own can be a hint of a competitive heart. Coveting your neighbor's ________. There must be a reason the Lord felt this important enough to command Israel, do not covet. Coveting cancels contentment. It's the C3 rule, I just made that up!

With quietness, the Holy Spirit guides through thoughts and instincts. No one else can give you the advice that the voice of the Lord wants to give you. Seek contentment and be sure that when you do, the enemy will tell you that you lack ambition. Learn that ambition is determination for God's plan and there is a plan precisely and perfectly created for you.

In a few days, we will host Easter Dinner. And I will look around and say, wouldn't-it-be-nice to have a large dining room and a bigger kitchen and more seating in my living room where my desk top computer now sits. I will be right.

But on Monday, I will say, we were crammed on top of one another and cooking dinner was challenging. I will say, so-what?

Is there anything that you can move into the so-what box?

Image: July 2011. Vacation highlight, picnic on a lake Up North.

Cement

Raise your hand if you love cement garden furniture! I love love love it! It's as durable as cement! My grandparents had a cement bird bath when they lived here but a careless lawn mower guy knocked it over and broke the base. Summer number one of our residence, I got a cement birdbath replacement. It doesn't need to be put away during the winter, it just gets more mellow and lovely every year. I also bought a large cement flower pot of my own last year. A person really needs to choose exactly where they want a large cement flower pot to live and commit. Or a person's Mr. will be grouchy when a person wants it moved about.

I also have the cement flower pots that my grampa used. Yes, they are worn and chipped. That's part of what reminds a person that they are old.

This cement chicken & baby were on The Farm. Loooove them!

And this year, on my cement wish list, is a cement garden bench. I think I would like to put it under the large flowering bush on the south fence. They have them at Lowe's, $50. Yes, I have already been cement garden bench shopping.

After the bench, I may be done with my cement collection. I don't know why I love it so much other than it is familiar and lasting. You can paint it or leave it its natural gray-white. It just looks better as it gets a little chippy around the edges. I think every house should have a cement something in the yard.

It says, "Yes, something permanent lives here. Come take a seat and let the past wash over you."

Kitchen cabinets

This picture is a few years old but what I wanted to show you was my kitchen cabinets. These cabinets are old, I'd guess 239 years old. Well, maybe a little less old than that but they are old. They are the cabinets that were in the kitchen when my grandparents bought the house in 1972. They were stained a deep walnut until a few years ago when we painted them this creamy yummy off-white. I'm a fan of a creamy yummy off-white kitchen. White subway tiles would be awesome but these standard square tiles are already creamy white so it would be money unnecessarily spent for the overall look I'm looking for. And what look is that?

Suburban bungalow cottage farm.

Google that and see what you find.

It's Spring time and as the old saying goes, "Spring time turns a chubby middle aged woman's heart to thoughts of home & garden."

It's a little too chilly and gray and wet to do the outside stuff swirling around in my fevered mind so I'm thinking inside thoughts. Today's thought...kitchen cabinets.

I say fear not the kitchen cabinets! The Mr., given his way and a bottomless wallet, would gut the kitchen and replace my painted cabinets with brand new cabinets in a creamy yummy off white. I say pish posh! These cabinets are very likely of higher quality than what's on the market today, they are the cabinets of my childhood (were I any more sentimental I'd be forcing daboyz to sit in their old high chairs. Yes, I still have their old high chair.)

If you aren't convinced that these cabinets are a part of the very bones of my house, consider this. They came with the place. No extra money to keep the cabinets. And I love the creamy yummy off white but ya know what? Lately I've been thinking of painting them again. I'm thinking of a sagey green on the bottom and creamy yummy off white on the top! What do you think of that?

I'll tell you what the Mr. thinks, he thinks if it isn't displayed at the Lowe's it shouldn't be done. But I think there are no rules when it comes to these things. If I want to paint each door a different color, I will. Hmmm, each door a different color. That might be fun. Anyway...

I don't know that this painting of the cabinets will be happening in the immediate future, or ever. But I'm thinking about it. This, friends and neighbors, is why I don't regret keeping the old kitchen cabinets. I'd be hesitant to paint brand new ones but not these.

I have a few old end tables that are crying out for a wacky paint job too. I'll let you know how that goes.

P.S., please don't tell the Mr. about my plan. These things work better if I take him by surprise.

10 & gone

1. New family room furniture finally being delivered today.

2. Made an amaaahzing dinner yesterday: Spicy stewed beef & cheesy grits.

3. Slept great last night, almost 7 hours.

4. I have such great kids. The older they get the more I see this depth of character that is so humbling.

5. Ordered a bra online.

6. Ordered mascara & brow pencil online.

7. I love ordering online.

8. The sofa we inherited when my Grandma Tookie passed is now blessing a family who didn't have any furniture. :)

9. I know I said I'm staying offline, and I am going to...

10. Right now!

I reserve the right...

I just e mailed the boss telling her that I am hereby unavailable until Monday. I took a long weekend (a long overdue long weekend.) I can't turn my blackberry off, I'm on 24/7 call and no way around it. But I am unplugging that which can be unplugged. I even set my work e mail to auto-reply; "Out of office until Monday."
Shew!
With much introspection and conversation, I've realized that among those things that keep me up at night is an inability to turn off my work brain. Just having my blackberry on all of the time puts me into hyper vigilant mode, waiting for it to ring. Not that it rings all that much, I'm just always waiting. Some of my peers have helped me to understand that my usual too "responsible" self got even more too responsible after Mac's injury almost a year ago. I really can't put work into a neat little package out of sight and mind when my kid is still there until 11:30 at night. And of course, Mac needs to talk about work when he comes home so...
The Mr. has been trying to intercept the work talk on my behalf but it's just not the same trying to explain things to his dad as it is to his mom.
Mac would like to move to another facility but right now, due to the economy, there aren't that many positions. And the ones that exist are frozen to accommodate people displaced from other hospitals that are closing down. So maybe when that door opens (which it will when God ordains it), I'll relax a little more easily.
Therefore, until Monday morning, I reserve the right to be unplugged, disconnected and unavailable. I may or may not be on blogs or Facebook or e mail. I really need to have some external and internal silence. Because this lack of sleep is just not gonna work for me much longer. I guess you'd say I'm having a bit of a personal retreat this weekend. We were thinking of taking a little trip but we have a family event on Sunday so I'm retreating into my house. That's ok, I like it here.
In case I actually exercise the discipline to unplug until Monday, have a good weekend.
And if not, well, I'll see you sooner.

Oh For Sythia's Sake

I awoke on Saturday morning feeling gloomy. My limbs even felt heavy, no motivation and frankly I was short on joy. I attributed my Eeyore-attitude to the weather. The sunny warmth we've been enjoying here in the Mitten had turned a little cooler and much grayer. Add to that my lack of coffee (I know!) I had forgotten to pick some up and was completely out, I blame my sleepless week.

The Mr. & I decided to take a little road trip to Marshall, MI. Lovely little town on my favorite stretch of I-94 which takes you out of metro Detroit and into the prettiest farmland in Michigan. If that wouldn't lighten your mood, what would? We stopped for lunch, did a little shopping and headed home again.

On the way back I soaked in the greening pastures and leafing trees and one of my absolute favorite sights; forsythia in glorious yellow full bloom. Forsythias remind me of childhood and white picket fences around sweet little houses. As we got closer to home the island separating west and eastbound I-94 was a field of forsythia, thick and lush and glorious. All of the unseasonable March warmth has teased our spring flowers into blooms around here. In my own yard I have a few forsythias along our south fence line, I always plan to plant more in the spring and haven't yet turned thought into action. There's a house 2 doors to our north with some out of control forsythias. I mean, these are monster forsythias. These huge shrubs are what convinces the Mr. that we shouldn't plant them, look what they become! Of course, this is just exactly why I want them. :)

On Sunday morning I was less gloomy. I had a cup of Starbuck's Tribute coffee in my hand (the Mr. having restocked my coffee canister.) The weather was warmish, the sun trying to peak through. My mood was better.

I looked out my kitchen window sipping my coffee and admiring the monster forsythias in the neighbor's yard. Then I sat in the family room and admired our few on the southern fence line and guesstimating how many more would fill in the entire length and making my plans, again, to plant them in May when the risk of frost was over.

On Saturday I would've been discouraged by all of those beautiful yellow bushes everywhere and the few lonely ones in my yard. I'd have thought to myself that if I'd started that plan of mine in 2008 I'd ben looking at my own wall of forsythia where I still had empty ugly fence to look at.

On Sunday I had a different thought.

I considered the monster shrubs in the neighbors yard, the carpet of yellow on the interstate and the few in my back yard all my own. All for my pleasure. Everything that I can soak in with my senses is mine for the joy of it. I sat with my cup of coffee and thanked God for the seeing of it, those forsythias of the world. The ones anchored in my own dirt and the ones growing out of control two doors down. And the ones along the interstate. And any I happen to lay eyes on anywhere else. All mine to look at and smile about.

We are more poor than we know and more rich than we imagine. With so much at our fingertips we have become riddled with the disease of ownership. If the flowers bloom on the other side of the fence line, instead of breathing in the beauty of it, I'm sad that they are not on my side. We are destitute of recognizing that all of the world is God's and all created by loving hands for the people he loves to bless. The forsythia in my yard are no more my own than the ones on the side of the highway. They are the property of Abba, shared with the jewel of his creation...us.

Do I still want to plant forsythias along my southern fence line? Absolutely. And lilacs around my back porch while I'm at it.

In the meantime, I will look at them in the back yards of my neighbors and the embankments of the freeways and consider them my own. At least for the moment when I am enjoying the beauty of them from afar.

And may I, in my dreaming, dream more of my heavenly home surrounded by forsythia than my earthly home and southern fence line. This is where I will find my joy.

1. Slept without medication last night! Of course, awake at 4:30 but...still!
2. 3 loads of laundry done.
3. Going to Marshall for the drive and some Mr. time.
4. Mentioned in passing that I was 2 years behind on my gyno exam and my co-workers stopped a meeting and made me get on the phone and make an appointment. Blessed? Yes!
5. Not in the mood for computer time today, ready for a cup of Timmy's and an afternoon road trip with my boyfriend so...

Awake, awake, awake, awake, awake,...

I spent hours, and I do mean hours, last night asking the Lord, "What is up with this?" By this I mean my insomnia. I am heading to work this morning on literally zero sleep. I've been up 24 hours, never fell asleep last night. I thought I was losing it when I heard the birds singing and hadn't yet gone to sleep!
I've never been a "good" sleeper and perimenopause is sure to be contributing but no sleep at all? That just ain't acceptable! I know a doctor would prescribe sleep meds but I'm just not feeling that is the answer yet. Melatonin gave me horrific nightmares, I'd rather be awake. All I can say is that I feel pretty good all things considered; at the moment at least. I see an extra cup or two of coffee in my morning but I can't count on it to get me through the day or I'll have a repeat tonight.
I have to say that I had a peaceful night, strangely enough. I had the bedrooms windows open and the cool breezes were lovely. I listened to my sounds of rain CD, which is an hour long, 3 times before I gave up on it. But I laid in bed feeling very at ease and relaxed and just certain I was about to drift off any moment.
I'm hoping that the Lord and I did some work on my insomnia problem during the long night. I have figured out that a major source of sleeplessness is thinking about work, once those thoughts kick in I can feel the anxiety creeping up my body and grabbing my mind. So I prayed and spent hours snatching those thoughts as they came to mind and casting them away in Jesus name. I also sleep very lightly and have hyper sensitive hearing so as the distant sounds of the neighborhood disturbed me, I asked God to give me greater tolerance and lower my frustration level. I usually need utter darkness to even consider resting and again, I faced that dragon by leaving my blinds up a little to allow the cool breezes through.
So as I rolled out of bed this morning, I sort of thought of myself as having spent the night wrestling with an angel, like Jacob! Maybe my all night battle will have gained a victory for future nights. I'm going to iron my scrubs for tomorrow this morning before I leave and have made up my mind that tonight will be a quiet early evening for me and I presume I'll be ready for bed when the sun goes down.
In any case, the Mr. got about six hours of prayer last night since he was laying there snoozing away. I put a hand on him and blessed him up on side and down the other!
Pray for me and all of my fellow insomniacs if you think of us, it really is the pits.

Groovin'

Years ago, Oprah Winfrey interviewed Bill Cosby and asked him about growing older with his wife. How does marriage change over so many years together when the children are grown and you're left with just the two of you? His answer was, "We're in a groove, not a rut."
That's just the perfect description of this time in life. We're in a groove. We not only know each other, we are willing to be known. And willing to be accountable for what we know about one another. We know what makes the other irritated and we have grown beyond arguing that it shouldn't. We've made ourselves vulnerable with our secrets and our fears and trusted our hearts to one another; even the ugly parts. We've embraced God's command that we love one another with a sacred love. That means it is love expressed in prayer. We pray each other through the days and someday, into heaven.
Yesterday our forsythias blossomed, this morning the Mr. pointed them out to me. He knows I love that. I had a stressful day at work and came home with a tension headache, he rubbed my shoulders and shooed me into a long hot shower and pajamas.
Today he surprised me by taking a vacation day to spend Monday with me since I worked over the weekend. We're enjoying coffee and Irish soda bread toast and he's stripped the bed linens so that I can put on fresh ones. In a minute I'm going to dust (undust!) and Dean is going to sweep and vacuum. Then we're going to continue our hunt for a sofa and out to lunch. Later we'll pull out a few chairs and sit on the back porch and grill dinner.
Nothing exciting from the outside, you might even say we're in a rut.
Nope. We're in a groove. A sacred, safe & sexy groove.
On a Monday afternoon.

I know all the birds of the mountains, and the wild beasts of the field are Mine.

Psalm 50:11

I Heart...

1. Sleeping with the windows open.

2. Dogs asleep on the back porch.

3. Irish soda bread.

4. Birdsong.

5. Driving with no jacket.

6. Daydreaming about yard work (always turns out to be much nicer than the actual doing.)

7. A television that is turned off.

8. Capri pants.

9. Pedicures.

10. Grilled salmon burgers.

The Shoe People

I'm so disappointed that I don't have a picture of our hospital's clothing closet to post but I keep forgetting to take my camera to work. Suffice it to say, it is bursting at the seams! We went from not having enough to meet the needs, to enough to meet every need, to enough to provide for those with only one set of clothing to enough to....take a cart to the units and offer trade-ins for people who just need something newer or nicer or better fitting!! We are able to provide 2 or 3 complete changes of clothing to people going to shelters and group homes! I wish I had adequate words to express this miracle born of your generosity and love. Packages and monetary donations from all over the United States have found their way to Kingswood and your story has been shared at the highest levels of the Henry Ford administration. We have a local girl scout troop who comes once a month to organize our clothing closet and this month they said they couldn't do it anymore because there isn't enough room for all of the clothes and shoes.

God has used you not only to clothe the needy, but to soften the hearts and encourage the spirits of people who had started to think we'd never be able to meet the needs of our patients. Not that long ago, we admitted a little girl whose mom didn't have a warm jacket and we were able to provide for her needs before she left that day. The families of our patients are benefiting and Jesus is taking back the territory that the devil thought he had conquered. Hallelujah!

So you'd think we'd be satisfied? Well, you have opened a Pandora's box of grace! The medical director of adult services leaned over to me in a meeting and said, "Do you think the Shoe People (that's what you are you know!) would have any purses to donate? I bet our ladies would love to have a purse. Most of them only have a grocery bag to carry their stuff." And I responded without hesitation..."Of course! I'm sure we can find some purses!"

And the staff on the kids' unit? They are wondering if anyone out there has children's sizes to donate. Since we're talking about kids, how about stuffed animals? Would anyone donate a stuffed animal? Or games? The kids want a Bingo game. Or sleeping bags or blankets because some of them don't have blankets at home. Or or or or_____________________.

Your generosity has sparked something at Kingswood. It's called hope, the courage to ask for something because you believe there's a good chance someone will hear. So why not ask? We never thought we'd have enough shoes. Or coats. Or bras or clothing but now we are searching for more rooms to use for our overflow!

So Shoe People, you beautiful anointed God-breathing Shoe People; our hands are outstretched and wide open. It's your project you know; you and the Lord. It's out of our hands, we're just the grateful and amazed recipients of grace with skin on. Is there anything else that you can give us? LOL! We are brazen and without shame! What do you have that a child or adult or older person might love?

Oh, and by the way, just in passing, we just opened a library. Our patients can borrow books and if they want, they can keep them. You see, we aren't worried about running out. The Shoe People have taught us that there are folks out there who care about us. So if you'd like to get rid of books or magazines, we will happily add them to our library and we won't worry about letting people take them home. We know there will be more.

Did I mention Bibles? Patients ask for Bibles every day.

One year ago we were thinking about trying to get a few books on the units and sending patients home without shoes.

Today we have a library with enough books to give away. We have so many shoes and coats and articles of clothing that we are providing to patients and families.

Thank you, Shoe People. For shoes and clothes and money and prayers. You have restored dignity, clothed the poor and reminded the staff that they are not alone in trying to meet a need far greater than our resources.

Our God shall supply all our needs...according to the generosity of The Shoe People.

We love you.

What a friend we have...

I've been so blessed over the last few months as my relationship with God has been in a period of growth and depth that is so sweet I sometimes have a hard time leaving for work because I don't want to share my attention with other things. As I mentioned a while ago, I downloaded a chrono Bible to my Kindle and it's been the best thing for my scripture reading. This time in the word has naturally affected by prayer time and, in fact, I'd almost go so far as to say that my prayer time is much less. I have discovered my friend, Jesus. Instead of Prayer, I am in conversation with him. I'm finding myself telling him this and that, things which I wouldn't ordinarily have talked about with the Lord being as He would already have known. Or things which wouldn't be important to him. Things like, "Lord, look how cute my hair looks!" or "Lord, I know I should clean the bathroom but I'm just too lazy at the moment."
I've always known that Christ was interested in the details of my life through his great love for me, but I have never elevated my importance to him to such a personal level. Like Abraham, I feel like a friend of God. A new kind of peacefulness has found its way into my heart even though in other ways, my life is a little bit stressful at the moment.
That's all I wanted to say, that Jesus is my friend.

Baskets~

Grouchy Monday is over. I made those two gift baskets despite a serious case of cranky-itis. In fact, I only had to make one and I made an extra. So there!

I was wandering through Michael's looking for baskets and that cellophane stuff you use to wrap gift baskets and guess what I found in the very back corner? Gift basket kits! That's right...basket, that straw like stuff you put in the bottom, cellophane, ribbon and tag for $8! I nearly smiled! I don't mind the basket, the stuff you put in it and even baking a little something; it's the cellophane and ribbbon that gets my goat.

I made a St. Patrick's Day themed basket containing 2 cute coffee cups, Bailey's filled chocolates, a box of breakfast tea, a tea towel with a shamrock, a box of stationary with a shamrocks and pretty green plate and topped it off with a loaf of homemade Irish soda bread.

The second was kind of a spring on the back porch theme. Red pitcher, four red flowery glasses, lemonade mix, a red/yellow/orange striped plate and a loaf of homemade banana nut bread.

Now comes the truly stressful part, the raffle. What if mine are the only ones not chosen? Argh! Now I feel like Charlie Brown!

No, actually I don't. I'm glad I had the means and the ability to make the baskets and I hope that someone enjoys them.

I hope you are still my friend considering my Oscar Monday. I'm pretty confidant you are. So I'll be completely truthful with you, since we're friends and all. I did what I needed to do but I didn't have a whole lot of fun. And I think that's ok. I had obligations to fulfill; housework and gift basket. Sometimes you have responsibilities and you don't want to do it and you feel grouchy and you still have to do it. I know some people think, "If you aren't going to have a good attitude, don't bother." Well, I disagree. I think you can be cranky, happy or downright silly but you gotta do what needs doing whether you want to do it or not.

And if no one wants my Baskets By Oscar, I'll just bring 'em home and enjoy them myself!

Call me Oscar

I'm having a grouchy morning so far. I'm off today (worked the weekend) and although it's only 10 a.m., I feel like I am behind schedule. Much to do and very little motivation. These are the times when the stuff that usually is of little consequence become hugely annoying.
For instance, I usually enjoy housework on my days off. Today? Today I don't feel like doing housework and looking around I have quite a list of chores to complete before going back to work tomorrow. Salt in the wound, the Mr. had a 3 day weekend and, well, I still have a long list of chores to do. I know it's not that he's a bad guy, usually I don't need him to pitch in because it's relaxing to me to play homemaker. Not today. Today all I see is dust and laundry and bathrooms and bed linens that I have to deal with.
I also have to make a gift basket for a raffle at work to raise money for the American Heart Association. The raffle is Wednesday, I work tomorrow, that means I need to make a basket today. I don't have the supplies or even a very good idea of what I'm making. Usually, I'd let my creative juices flow and enjoy the process. Today, it's money I'd rather not spend and time I feel I don't have and let's be honest, pride on the line. I'm "known" for making wonderful things for these kinds of events. Piled high with homemade goodies and fun unusual items. For weeks people have been telling me that they cannot wait to see what I bring in. Pressure and pride.
Whatever he is, the devil is not stupid. So why not throw a little guilt into my grouchy day? What I'd like to do is make a sweet little brunch and have my mom and dad over. With increased work hours and my mom's surgery keeping her shut in I haven't seen them since, well, the eighties I think. But that would require me having groceries and a somewhat presentable house and my gift basket made.
In case you're thinking it'll be ok, I can rest up next weekend? Nope. Working next weekend too.
I know it's not all is bad as I'm envisioning it to be. I know that if I'd just get my behind into the shower and start the day I'd be feeling better in short order. After all, there are few things more satisfying than checking things off the to do list!
Ok, enough of the poor babies over here. I think I'll head out to get that gift basket started. I always feel better once I'm done with errands and back at home.
Could be worse, I could live in a garbage can and have a giant yellow bird living next door.

Update: Back from my errands and ready to start baking. One loaf of Irish soda bread for one basket, a loaf of banana nut for the second one. Status-still grouchy.

I led them with cords of human kindness; with ties of love I lifted the yoke from their neck and bent down to feed them.

Hosea 11:4

10

1. My eye is all better.
2. Bad belly yesterday.
3. 23F this morning.
4. A friend's mom passed yesterday, please pray for the family of Hazel Baily.
5. Ready for Spring!
6. I feel like there is no down time in my life lately.
7. I recommend "I Love You Mrs. Huddleston, & Other Inappropriate Longings of My Indiana Youth" by Philip Gulley.
8. Treating my brain to less computer time so forgive me if I'm MIA here and there.
9. A good friend is experiencing a difficult pregnancy, please pray for her. God knows the details.
10. There is a good chance my schedule will be changing for the better soon!

Book 'em Dano

I'm am just about to try to put in my contacts...oy! Praying all goes well and I'm not forced to scoop my eyeball out with a teaspoon.
So, did I mention that I lost my engagement ring for most of the day yesterday? Yup. I always take it off while I'm doing my hair so it doesn't get hairspray and mousse on it, then I wash my hands and use lotion and then put it back on. Found it on the floor last night. Probably knocked it to the floor in my panic to scrape my contact off of my eye.
Also just remembered I have jury duty...on March 1! Argh! Can you even believe that? I got the notice in January and just completely forgot about it. Do you think I'll be arrested? I wouldn't mind being arrested, that would mean a day off of work.
Off to experiment with my contacts.

Gloom, despair and agony on me~

What a crummy few days I've had! We went to Grand Rapids for a little get-away and I ended up with a migraine mid Saturday afternoon. By 7 p.m. I was in bed with the blankets over my head and on Sunday morning I just wanted to come home. So no fun breakfast out, no window shopping. Drove through Mc Donald's and was home by 11 a.m. :(
Then Monday morning I got up for work and somehow, I'm still not sure how, I ended up with a glob of liquid hand soap in my eye. I seriously don't know what happened, I know I dropped the bottle and then my skull was on fire. This experience made my weekend migraine a walk in the park. Did I mention I had my contacts in at the time? Yup. So I had to dig my contact out of my eye while trying to flush it. It immediately swelled shut so I had to pry it open to flush it, which made it hurt worse yet. I flushed it every 15 minutes for almost 2 hours and kept a cool cloth on it for the rest of the day. Lights and reading made it hurt worse so after dropping e mails to work (that was fun, "I won't be in. I got soap in my eye.") and my mom (Please pray for me!"), I spent the day laying on the couch whimpering. In the dark.
Naturally I'm not wearing my contacts today. But wait! There's more! In my panic of peeling my contact lens off of my eye, I knocked my glasses out of the medicine cabinet and chipped both (yes both!) of the lenses! Which I have to wear to work, chips and all.
This morning my vision is still a tad blurry in my left eye and I have to consciously open it all the way or I have kind of a half drunk/half flirty/half wink thing happening. The redness is gone but it's still achy. Weirdly, the ache is all the way around the orbit of my eye as though I took a right hook to my face. And of course, excessive eye booger production just to round out the attractiveness factor.
My headache is gone but I'm still taking 800 mg Motrin for my eye ball pain. Which does help, so thank you Jesus.
To recap, spent a couple hundred dollars to spend the weekend curled in a ball in a hotel while the Mr. watched Sweet Home Alabama with the sound down.
Experienced a freak accident, still not sure of the details, that resulted in burning the surface of my eye and possibly my eye socket.
Chipped both lenses of my glasses which I will be wearing to work today.
Had to take a soap-in-my-eye call in at work which will surely result in no shortage of "Wait, tell me again what happened?" moments throughout my day.
Lord, you better wrap me in spiritual bubble wrap today or I might just set my hair on fire.

1. Going to Grand Rapids for the weekend!
2. Also leaving shortly and going out to breakfast, a very important component of a road trip.
3. Down one size jeans!
4. FINALLY have that third manager at work and she's awesome! Relief is in sight!
5. Got some Clinique make-up: mascara is great, eye shadow is good, eye brow pencil is great, eye liner is the pits (but I never do well with eye liner.)
6. Slightly sore throat this morning. Always happens when I am out in the rain (yesterday.) I'm ignoring it.
7. I seriously need new glasses.
8. I know I'm repeating #4, but in about a month, my worklife will be back to normal and I might have a real life again :)
9. My hospital received 3 wonderful boxes of donations to our patent's clothing closet from blogger friend, Ginger. Words cannot express my gratitude. Our closet it overflowing with wonderful clothes, under garments, shoes and coats! This is Jesus in action in the hearts of his people.
10 Please pray for my Aunt Sue in California. She had a heart procedure and was diagnosed with diabetes this week. She remains weak and we are concerned for her.

One year later

This past Saturday marked the one year anniversary of the passing of the Mr.'s dad, Ben. Dean is having a harder time of it than he thought he would, he's been caught off guard by the feelings of sadness and missing his dad.
My in-laws moved to Alabama from Michigan when I was pregnant with Mac in 1989. After that time, due to distance and tensions not worth reliving, we were never very close with them. They would actually visit Michigan when daboyz were small and never tell us they had been here. We'd find out from relatives that they had come and gone, never stopping in to see their grandchildren. Ah well, time heals...or it least dulls the pain...of all wounds.
And my Mr., being an exceptionally sweet man refused to carry a grudge. He remained respectful and loving to his mom and dad and adjusted his expectations and relationship in an "it is what it is" attitude.
A few years ago, after we had moved into our new home, Dean wanted his mom and dad to see our house. They were getting older, his mom was unwell and said his dad seemed to be showing the early signs of dementia. And so, in February of that year he called and told his mom we were coming down in May to get them and bring them to Michigan for a visit. He insisted. And we did. They stayed here for two weeks and a few months later his mom called to say that it was time for them to move back to Michigan. Ben did indeed have dementia and it was progressing quickly. She could not care for him and with her own health problems, couldn't really care for herself either. So back we went to Alabama in the fall and we brought that back north so that we could try to make life a little better for them.
Dean moved furniture and ran errands and made phone calls and found them a little apartment situated closer to his grandmother and aunts & uncles than to us. He said that was ok, he would drive the extra distance because the rest of the family was more likely to visit them if they were close by. Every Friday he went over early in the morning and took them grocery shopping and then out to lunch. His dad was confused and needed lots of direction and his mom in a wheelchair. Then he'd haul their groceries into the apartment, put them away and then proceed to clean and do laundry and spend time with them.
As Ben's illness progressed, hospitalizations occured and their care needs increased. Dean found them a wonderful woman who came during the week to check in and do housework and prepare their meals. Things got worse yet and he found them an apartment in a senior citizen's building. It was farther still from our house but closer to aunts & uncles and friends who could visit them.
Throughout the time they lived in Michigan, Ben deteriorated at a fast rate. He couldn't identify his wife, he hallucinated, he fell, he wandered. He could only remember one thing, "That's Dean, he'll take care of us!" Dean was his brother, his uncle, his dad...everything but his son. Most of all, he was Dean. The caretaker, provider and protector. Toward the end, Dean would hold Ben's hand while he pushed his mom's wheelchair through Wal Mart's every single Friday.
Dean who made sure his dad had a big cup of Tim Horton's coffee and donut every Friday morning even when Ben didn't know what the words to ask for them. He just knew when Dean brought that coffee and donut over, it sure did taste good.
Dean bought his dad the individual servings of ice cream from Gordon's because his mom couldn't get up and get him his favorite evening snack but Ben loved ice cream and he could handle getting the individual cups for himself with directions from his wife.
Dean went over there late on a Saturday night when his dad was confused and agitated. He cleaned the mess Ben had made in his panic, he gave him a shower, put him in clean pajamas and tucked him into bed when he finally exhausted himself.
Dean kissed his dad's cheek every time he saw him and said, "I love you Dad."
He called hospice when it was time to give comfort instead of cure. He sat at his side in the hospital at night so Ben wouldn't be restrained. He went to the apartment and picked up his mom daily and took her, pushing her in her wheelchair, to visit.
He fought for a bed at the veteran's hospital so his dad wouldn't be housed in a nursing home.
He sat holding his hand until Ben closed his eyes here and opened them in heaven.
Why am I reliving all of this? Because I remain amazed and in awe of this man God gave me. Shortly after Ben's death, Dean's mom moved back to Alabama and our lives resumed their regular pace. Life goes on. But I will never forget seeing my husband helping his dad open his Tim Horton's coffee and the smile on Ben's face, "This is Dean! He takes good care of us!"
He sure does.

Walking

Every so often, I take a deep breath, look around and think...what a rotten life. Well, probably not rotten but not quite perfect either. I don't usually post those moments, they seem ungrateful and unedifying. Mostly because they are.
I think of my friend who lives on 30 acres in the country backing up to state owned land that includes, get this, a waterfall.
I think of my friend who is a lifelong homemaker. No up and out the door and down the highway to work in the sweetest quiet hours of the morning.
I think of the Duchess of Cornwall who has good hair and is skinny and married to a hot prince.
I think many thoughts.

I don't long for a larger home, a new home or a more luxurious home. I don't wish I had a maid or a vacation in Bali. I don't understand the draw of the Coach purse. I'm a simple woman really.

But I think things like wishing for acres between me and the next neighbor. I daydream about country roads taking me home and whiling away hours pruning roses and living the life of Emily Dickinson quietly ensconced within the walls of the family manor writing poetry and wearing white linen all the livelong day.

I dream of the moment when the Mr.'s Marshall stack amp head and speaker no longer live in my living room allowing me to reclaim it as a quiet space with perhaps a reading chair and lamp.

But I digress.

There is an up side to every down and the gift of Christianity is not the relief of all disappointment nor the realization of every dream. It's the vision that changes, the widening understanding of life.

Fallen world that I occupy requires some dents in the fenders. The lovely little house I live in happens to be standing in the middle of a sea of such lovely little houses and not all occupied by people as lovely as myself (chuckle.)

Sometimes the needed prayer is one that checks my spirit...a little gratitude here? And sometimes, it's the prayer "Lord, help me cope with this world that sometimes seems rather a disappointment." That's the prayer I need to utilize more often. I tend to long for super-spirituality that is grateful and lovely in all things, and wouldn't I be proud to achieve such a sainted outlook?

I think God loves the moments when we admit to being entirely fed up, or even just partially fed up. Because this world isn't perfect, that is exactly the motivation for living for something else. The closeness of my neighbors whose drunken laughter awakens me at 2 a.m.? That has a purpose. One purpose is to stretch my heart toward tolerance and maybe even to pray for them. The other, often over-looked purpose, is to remind me...this is the imperfect time. It's the before, the through a glass darkly. It's sometimes dirty and frustrating and ever in need of repair.

Life needs redemption.

And so, if this little house within the sea of little houses is a temporary work station; it seems to be an inordinately luxurious one. The children of Israel dwelt in tents, 40 years of walking toward their promised land. I, on the other hand, dwell in a bungalow in Dearborn. My walk is happening on the inside. The Word tells us that the sandals of the Hebrews never wore out during all those years, and manna fell...enough to sustain. And he taught them how to stop and rest and worship and in their worship to find the next path and the strength to pick up and walk again.

Here I am, thousands of years later and still, we walk. My shoes wear out but I go to work and make a living and buy new ones and I guess that means, I too have sandals that do not really wear out after all. Provision comes from places other than the sky, making it too easy to think it is something other than manna. My tent has two bedrooms and a nice big yard.

Grumbling and wondering if I know better where my happiness might lie makes the days seem longer and my feet feel more tired. In the context of this temporary leg of the journey, it seems extravagant that this is my tent. As the Israelites wandered, so quickly laying aside the celebration at the Red Sea; their journey was confused and their purpose forgotten.

The generation that left Egypt, in fact, never saw the Promised Land.

I am one in a long line of those gone before me into the Promised Land. I have been at the feet of old people who have reassured me of that truth, I was young and now I am old but have never seen the righteous forsaken.

There is no excuse for my steps to be confused, my purpose forgotten.

Maybe it glorifies God to thank him for this wonderful tent and at the same time, to acknowledge its imperfections and frustrations. It keeps me walking.

Canaan Land is just in sight.

Some wisdoms from my brains

1. There are so many things I don't do well and do my best to avoid. Lately, I'm learning the lesson that I must stop avoiding and let God teach me to do them better so that fear takes another step back from my life.
2. No matter how tired you are, straighten up your house. It'll make tomorrow morning so much nicer.
3. Expensive department store moisturizer is no better than drug store brand.
4. HOWEVER, expensive mascara is worth every penny.
5. Your hair is what it is, choose a hair style that doesn't require 2 hours and that actually stays in place and learn to live with it.
6. A gracious spirit is one of the sweetest fingerprints we can leave on the lives of others.
7. Thinking outside of the box is sometimes just a way to do things much less efficiently than we used to. Before you think outside of the box, look around. After all, you may be leaving a Tiffany's box and crawling into a McDonald's sack.
8. Do not underestimate pajamas.
9. Soup is God's perfect food.
10. Buy a beautiful cross necklace and wear it often.

Happy President's Day to ya! I'm on my day off and the Mr. took a vacation day so we are going to spend the day in our jammies and enjoying one another's company. Watching movies, maybe making popcorn? I'm feeling so blessed and peaceful this morning, so grateful that my life is what it is. We are nearing the one year anniversary of the passing of Dean's dad. He's been feeling a little melancholy, thinking about and missing Ben. We know he's with the Lord and so, we don't mourn hopelessly. Because of this great hope and sureness of God's promises, our gentle sadness is eased with things like spending quiet time together, relaxing and letting the Holy Spirit soothe our hearts.
Has anyone noticed that we are heading toward Spring? I don't just mean the mild temperatures here in the Mitten. This is the time of year when the quality of sunlight starts to change and the birds are chirping in the mornings and if you look carefully, you can find buds on the trees! Has me daydreaming of my back porch and evenings around the fire pit.
For the moment, it's time for another cup of coffee and Idiot Abroad on the DVR. Have a good day!

The week

Shew, The Plague has claimed victim number two, me. Hopefully I'm the last on the hitlist. I wasn't nearly as sick as Mac and today I'm feeling on the mend. My goal is to eat a pancake, first solid food since Tuesday. I have to work the weekend so The Plague is on a deadline.

Having spend the week begging my innards to stay inside, there's not much to tell you. I will spare you the details of my adventures. I am rereading the Harmony series by Philip Gulley. I got my hairs did before things went south. And north.

Finally, above is my Valentine's gift from the Mr. A heart pendant!

Now it's time to face the pancake.

Chicken Pasta

Today I found myself at home wanting to make something delicious for dinner but nothing particular in mind. So I gathered a bunch of whatever was on hand and came up with the following (it was wonderful!)

6 boneless chicken breasts (I used what I had thawed before I had a plan.)
1 pkg frozen broccoli
Cream cheese (one package)
Fettuccine
Parsley, salt, pepper, garlic

In a deep skillet, I covered the chicken breasts with broth, brought it to a boil and reduced to simmer for about an hour. After an hour, discard most of the broth and shred the chicken. Add parsley, salt, pepper and garlic. Add package of frozen broccoli and continue to simmer until broccoli is warmed through.
Prepare fettuccine per package directions.
As fettuccine is cooking, throw one package of cream cheese into chicken and broccoli mixture. Stir into chicken continue stirring until cream cheese is melted into mixture. This will be quite thick, don't worry!
After fettuccine is done, reserve 1-2 cups of the water from the pasta and drain the rest.
Return pasta to pan, dump in chicken mixture and slowly add in reserved pasta water until desired consistency.
Done!

With it I served a salad of field greens, sliced strawberry, walnuts, tomato, cucumber and green onion with balsamic vinegar & olive oil. We had a loaf of Delray Hungarian rye, I mixed Herbs (sea salt, cracked black pepper, red pepper flakes, garlic, oregano, parsley) and drizzled olive oil over it for dippin'.

Great dinner! Much better than alfredo sauce from a jar and sooooo easy! Unfortunately, I didn't take any pics but I'm sure it's not all that difficult to picture. :)

This morning is lovely~

I would describe this morning as lovely;
Temperatures cold, sun shining bright.
I would describe this house as perfect;
Imperfect occupants, a dog and a fire.
I would describe myself as grateful;
Abundantly blessed & wholly unworthy.
I would describe Jehovah as faithful;
Merciful, beautiful, provider & friend.

"Come now, let us reason together," says the Lord, "though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be white as snow."

Isaiah 1:18

Better Things

1. Finally, a cold winter Michigan morning: snow & 12F.
2. Naturally, it happens on a day I have to haul myself to work, argh!
3. Mac seems to be 99%. Back to work this afternoon.
4. I have procrastinated cleaning out my old office and now the new manager is starting on Monday...guess what I have to do this weekend?
5. Most headaches are the result of dehydration. That's my theory.
6. Got our family room carpets cleaned.
7. Still hunting for a sectional. Going to save a bit more money and make a purchase in March.
8. Mongolian BBQ for dinner yesterday. It is sooooo delicious and still, I don't like it. Too noisy, don't like standing there waiting for my food to cook.
9. I ordered some pajamas from Kohl's over a week ago, still not shipped!
10. I am walking in the American Heart Walk, please consider supporting me! I'll post the link next week.

Well I have nothing exciting to say, so here is a picture of my (new) office. I moved a few months back but only had my camera with me a few days ago. I'm sure you've all been waiting to see. What you can't see is A. I have my own bathroom and B. The window looks down on the courtyard where the adult patients from the schizophrenia unit hang out. I spend a lot of time knocking on my window and miming, "put your pants on!"

The carpet cleaner guys will be here in a minute so I guess I'll get a move on. Nice visiting with ya!

You're not ready.

Better Things

The plague, furniture, soup, etc.

The Plague has descended. Mac is one sick kid. We would appreciate your prayers as he's feeling pretty rotten. Currently the only thing he can keep down is Arizona sweet iced tea. Weird.
The Mr. is on day 5 of 6 and decided to take Thursday off. He's happy to be off of that weird shift but his body is totally confused. He's going to spend Thursday having the carpets cleaned. That sounds fun, huh? Then it's back on the trail looking for new family room furniture.
And I made a delicious pot of soup, the recipe is below.

4 boneless chicken breasts
Italian salad dressing
6 carrots
4 celeries
Large chicken broth
Salsa
6 potatoes
Taco seasoning
Colby cheese, shredded.

Marinate the chicken in Italian salad dressing overnight.
Place whole breasts into soup pot, add broth. Bring to a boil and then simmer for 45 minutes-1 hour. After the chicken is cooked through, remove to plate and shred.
Chop potatoes, carrots & celery, add to pot and top with water if necessary. Bring to boil & reduce to simmer until soft.
Dump in salsa.
Add taco seasoning and water to top off pot if needed. Remove from heat. Stir in one package of shredded colby cheese.

Sour cream, guacamole, tortilla chips would be great garnishes.

This was actually a result of not grocery shopping and using leftovers to make lunch! The salsa was about half a jar, adjust according to your taste.

And that is all I have to say for now!

Great peace have they that love thy law, and nothing shall offend them.

Psalm 119:165

BETTER THINGS

10

1. Some growing pains at work. Things are getting better and I'm so thankful for my new boss. I'm learning a lot and becoming re motivated after almost 3 years of really struggling.
2. I am making my appointment today for new glasses! I'm suspicious that this is contributing to my headaches lately. I'm spending a lot more time in front of a computer and I bet I need readers.
3. I'm watching the news and they are having their weekly pet adoption segment, which is fine. Donny is a rescue pet and I'm all for it. But they have a very sweet adult cat needing a home and the cat is FIV (feline HIV) positive. It's not something dogs or humans can contract. They are looking for a home that can afford extensive veterinary care and is willing to provide a lot of special care to the cat as she gets sicker. Ok, listen, put the poor baby down. She's a cat. I'm sorry she has this disease, which I had never heard of. But put her down. Direct the money being spend to adopt her out and that will potentially be spent to care for her toward healthy animals. Am I nuts?
4. Number three is more of a rant than a statement.
5. I took Estroven last night thinking my sleeplessness has something to do with perimenopause. I slept great. One night is too soon to know if it really helped but I'll keep you updated. Stand by.
6. Super Bowl plans? A quiet evening at home. The Mr. is going to be mid 7 day stretch because of his new schedule and I have work Monday morning so we are planning not to plan anything. And looking forward to it.
7. Currently reading an Emily Dickinson biography. So interesting.
8. Still on the hunt for new family room furniture.
9. Still no snow and very mild temperatures in the Mitten.
10. I'm going to have Lucky Charms for breakfast.

Better Things

Early morning rambling

Happy early morning from a balmy Mitten! I love snow but I can honestly say, I am not too sad that my early mornings and after work times aren't spent cleaning off my car, warming it up and trudging through snow & ice.
The Mr. has worked has last afternoon shift and we are all happy to have him home in the evenings, even the kid who doesn't live here anymore! Now he'll have to straighten his internal clock back out again. Yesterday morning he slept until noon after getting home at 5 a.m., fell asleep from 7-9 p.m. and then got up to wait for Mac to get home from work.
I am back on the insomnia train, sorry to report. I tossed and turned until 11 p.m. and then was wide awake at 2:30 this morning. Finally I got out of bed at 4:30. I have early meetings today and tomorrow, tonight I may have to take a few Benadryl and hit the sack extra early or it's going to catch up with me. On the bright side, lots of folks were prayed for while I was laying in bed!
What else shall I share with you? The Mr. bought me a Ninja blender and last night he made smoothies with it. So far (having not actually used it myself and in general having only used it once), I like it! Online reviews indicate it's a workhorse. We drink lots of smoothies and have gone through three cheaper blenders in about a year, burning out the motor with frozen fruit. The Ninja seems to be tough enough to handle it. I'm someone who puts good use to my counter top appliances like my mixer, food processor and blender so buying the less expensive items sometimes results in more long-term investment replacing them. The Mr. got me a Bundt coffee maker a few years back and I love love love it. Well, this has all been fascinating hasn't it?
Let's talk about my fattitude! I have terrrrrrible eating habits which are certainly contributing to my inability to lose this weight. Plus, don't tell anyone, but I may be getting older. Perimenopause anyone? My job is higher stress and less structure than the old days of being a floor nurse and in general, I don't take a lunch at all. This means, if there's junk around (and there usually is), that's what I grab on the run. If not, I literally don't eat all day and then when I get home at 6 in the evening I eat too much of all the wrong stuff. The last few weeks, I've added Slimfast shakes to my grocery list. I know, they are not the most healthful choice. However, realistically, stopping for a Slimfast in the morning and mid day is healthier than my former habit of plowing through the day without eating anything. I've been taking fresh fruit along as well. I don't know what impact this will have on my big ol' backside but I am definitely feeling better at work, less exhausted at the end of the day and less easily frustrated as my blood glucose is surely all over the map from my bad habits. Maybe with my new Ninja I will progress to making more healthy and wholesome smoothies to take to work. For the moment, I'm grateful for an easy "fix."
It's 5:16 so I think I'll have another cup of coffee and start getting ready for work. Now that you have all of the latest information regarding our sleeping habits, counter top appliances and diets you should feel well equipped to face the day :)